Career or Family?

[raleighmom]

I’m in my 60s. This past week has been full of videos where Charlie says young women must choose between career and family. He’s right, but as in so many issues it’s not that simple. I was pursuing a Masters degree when I broke water prematurely on my first child. At first I thought my career was on pause, but life came at me hard and I never went back. I attempted jobs over the years, but immediately I realized that any babysitter/nanny/childcare would never love my children the way I did and no matter how many written instructions I provided, there was no way to know if those instructions were followed — or what other things were happening in my absence. And the child would grow to love their caregiver — not me.

However, our society has changed from the days of my childhood. In the sixties, our neighborhood was filled with stay-at-home Moms. That meant that Moms had friends to support each other and children had friends to visit and play with. By the 1990s, stay-at-home Moms were extinct. Even grandmas were unavailable for support because they had jobs as well. My kids were lonely and I was getting chastised by my doctor for bringing them to my doctor appointments. In time I found a Christian woman who provided part-time childcare and it was a blessing.

Here’s my critique of Charlie’s advice. Every job application gets scanned for “breaks” in employment. And in our digital world, the applicant isn’t even given the chance to explain. They never make the first cut. Once you drop out of the big race it’s almost impossible to get back in. Another problem has to do with health insurance. As a young single woman, most companies are happy to provide health insurance. What they don’t want to cover is pregnancy, delivery and children — especially premature children with medical issues. So even if an employer was thrilled with a young woman employee yesterday, the news of pregnancy can turn her workplace into a hostile environment.

The young woman who chooses to stay home will not get admiration from anyone for doing so. When things go wrong, she will be blamed. When things go right, others take the credit. The fact that she’s always there for everyone will be taken for granted. Yet, it won’t matter because she will know, deep in her soul, that she did the best she could to love and care for her children.